Finding Your Conditioned and Limiting Beliefs

By the time we have reached adulthood, we have developed habitual patterns and mental attitudes and put them into play in order to interact and function in the world.  These patterns and attitudes have been shaped by our past, our upbringing, our societies and our individual experiences, and we use these to face life's challenges.  Because we have developed these habits and attitudes naturally and most likely as a reaction to something, we may not even be aware that they exist and are impacting our behaviours, actions and choices.  Limiting beliefs are "hidden" from us, they are beliefs that we adopted and how we conditioned ourselves so that we could get by in the world.  But the thing about limiting beliefs are that the ARE limited, and they stop us from taking any actions that are outside boundaries of their limits.  When you engage with your limiting beliefs, your options are confined to an extremely narrow point of view, when in reality there are endless possibilities.

One way to start discovering what your limiting beliefs is through reflection.  Here are some journal exercises and questions that will help you uncover some of your limiting beliefs:

• Self-talk
  • What do you say to yourself regularly?  Frame it as an "I AM" statement.  Which of these statements no longer serve you?
  • What are some of the "What if" statements you say to yourself?  An example of this is "What if I fail?"  Which of these statements are negative? What could be an empowering replacement?
• Questions
  • How have you been conditioned to act or think about relationships?
  • How do you behave or think about jobs and careers that you have learned watching others?
  • Do you have a coping strategy for dealing with a certain type of circumstance?  From who did you learn it from?
  • Are there any patterns that tend to repeat in your life?  What do these patterns tell you about your beliefs and what must you believe to have them continue to happen?
  • What have you chosen to do because you were "supposed" to do it?  What did you really want to do?

An Excuse: The Most Effective Tool of a Limiting Belief

Because limiting beliefs are essentially habits, it doesn't take much energy or effort to engage them.  An excuse or reason is the limiting belief's favorite tool.  With just one tiny excuse, a delay introduced to a choice or action and you are off thinking of something else as soon as another thought pops into your head.

The tell-tale sign that you are making an excuse is if you hear yourself say the word "BUT"!

• But, I can't do it
• But, I don't have time
• But, I don't have the money

When fully believed, these excuses act like a "trump-card" that we can use to block any other points of view or considerations, and stops the creative process.  To the person who has these excuses, this way of being is finite with no possibility for changing it, and it results in the experience of being stuck in a situation.

For every "But" statement you have, create an empowering alternative.  For example, if your "But" statement is "But, I don't have the money", compose a statement like " I have the ability to generate the money that I need."

One pitfall to avoid when you discover a limiting belief is to feel guilty about having them.  Although you did adopt the limiting belief and attitude, you did this unconsciously as a way to cope with life's challenges.  Bring empathy and understanding, and tell yourself you did the best you could with what you had.

Changing Your Belief System

Changing your belief system and the context in which you take actions in the world does require effort.  Because it does require effort, you may not see the immediate need to make those changes.  If you find that you are have concerns like this, ask yourself:

• What is the impact of allowing these limiting beliefs make your decisions?  What is it costing you?  What is it costing the people in your life?

Now, let's look at how you can change your limiting beliefs:

6 Steps to Changing Your Belief System

1. Identify the limiting belief you'd like to change: make a list of all the evidence that there is to support the limiting belief
2. Create an empowering alternative: look at your "'what if" statement and create an opposite phrase
3. Get real with what the limiting belief is costing you: ask "What is the emotional payoff/benefit of having this limiting belief around?"  Does this payoff outweigh the cost?
4. Alternate evidence for limiting belief: For the evidence you listed in step 1, dig deeper into the inquiry by asking these questions: Is there another point of view?  Is there more to the story?  What could be an alternative explanation?
5. Find evidence for your new belief: Make a list of 3 things that will support your new belief! (What you created in step 2)
6. Take action and celebrate: Come up with and commit to one action that is in line with your new belief and complete it.  Celebrate your win by doing something special just for you!